Sunday, February 06, 2005

Wandering Traveller, Indonesian Version

Wandering Traveller

I live by the rules of the wind
To breath the air
is to fell my presence
The Sky is my roof,
And the earth is my walking path.

The First crystal of the snow
Will bring me home
To the warmth of the neverending sun

Whenever the symphony of solitude is played,
I will be there.
I am not going to fade away
Not until the tunes of requiem
And the Crying Sky
Accompany me in the journey
A journey of pilgrimage
As a wandering soul.


OK......sorry for the sluggy update, been reading too much manga lately.....and suspending some essays and stuff.....gonna work it tomorrow, I swear!!! >XD

And here it is, the original wandering traveller that I made for one friend that I never met, and probably will never be. We met each other through some prank sms that she sent to my phone accidentally (she was bored at that time, and she sms me at 7 o'clock in a sunday morning), and the rest is history. Quite a friendship, we contacted each other through sms, two lonely souls that need some warmth, but both were unsure about what would happen next. This happened during the period of February/March 2003, until my departure to Singapore, July 2003. I wrote this piece of poetry the night before my departure to Singapore. BTW, we contacted with each other only during the night, because only at night that I was "secure" in my room. Ever since I was in Singapore, I never contacted her anymore. Well, I contacted her via sms again during my first time going back to Indonesia after my first sem, and during that time, I asked for this piece to be sent to me, coz I lost the original one. I never held my hope high, but guess what? She still collected all of my poetry that I sent to her. The period of March 2003 until July 2003 was the period when I was actively writing poetry, something that I think can never be achieved again. And most of the time, she was the first person I sent my poetry to. We share so much, even though we never met each other. I was talking about my highschool crush to her, and she was talking about her ex-boyfriend problems. Both of us are desperate with our love life, and I knew, at that time, that time will change our relationship. And it happened. She confessed to me. I was prepared for the confession, yet, I was unprepared for what to do. I asked her to be friends only, because we had quite a different background (in religion, but not in hometown, since her university is in my father's hometown). And her friends (yes, some of them followed her pranks =.=) told me that whenever she received my sms, she's so happy that they saw her as being "lovestruck", and encourage me to "upgrade" my relationship with her. But then, at that time, I can say that my emotional condition is in one of its most unstable condition. And I cannot think clearly about what will happen next. The funny thing is, after that "memorable event", we still continue our conversation, like nothing had happened between us. I enjoyed my friendship with her very much.

When I come back to Indonesia @July 2004, we found ourselves changed. We are not our old self, and it makes me scared to restart our long lost contact. And thus, I broke our usual sms contact. Singapore has changed me so much, that I barely recognized my old self anymore. Well, being older than me by roughly one year, she stayed the same, but yet, my feelings are changed. I'm no longer my old self, and I'm a total mess at that time (well, it's not like the mess has been fully repaired till now). I broke our contact, and I feel nothing.

Yet, when I open my poetry folder, and read my poetry that I has stored there, I encounter my old feelings, and so on. This poetry reminds me about one of my most precious treasure that I have thrown away like it was nothing, and now, just like everyone, I was terribly sorry for what I did, yet I couldn't change it. I bet she will still feel happy if I contact her right here, right now, yet, I feel that I have wronged her greatly, and I cannot face her anymore. Yes, I am a coward sometimes, and I admit that it was one of my lesser point.

And for one Widi Nugraheni, thanks for being a center for my life at the time when I need something to hold on to. I really enjoy our late night conversation (within my old room and my old handphone, how I miss those two), and one thing that I can tell you: this is one of my strongest poetry that I ever made (the other being the "Wandering Traveller, Singapore Version"), and this is the first, and probably the last, piece of poetry that I have written with so much of my feeling for someone else than myself. I'm terribly sorry for my attitude to you, and now, with my emotionless heart, I bid my farewell to you, forever. Goodbye, and Goodnight, Widi.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ookami says:

Sometimes even if we know that something we'll do may make the other happy... if we don't find it in our heart to do it... then don't.

What you did can't be said as wrong. You did what you thought was right, and that was what really mattered.

Anonymous said...

hah ketemu juga alamat blog loe....
ga pernah bagi2 kan..... ketemu sendiri kok, la la la :D
-GD-

-ok seriously bro...... I've never seen this part of you before......

terharu gua bacanya sumpah mati.......

what?
taht's it? you wanna let her go just like that? after all that touchy touchy part? seriously bro..... DON'T..... call her.....
I maybe more inexperienced in woman than you do, but at least I know this one thing: if you let it go just like this, you'll just hurt yourself evenmore....... you still have feeling 4 her. yes u do, or you will never write this blog.....
call her. maybe her feeling to u has changed. but she will never reject a call from a old friend. nothing 2 lose.... but it's all up2u really....

Felicia said...

So touching... but taking a hard decision by yourself is truly amazing. I wish I can realize what I really want and take a step ahead...