Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Journey to the not-so-west

The journey to the northwest
To the foreign land
Not as a castaway, yet feeling like one
Not as a runaway, yet feeling like one

In the new promised land
Time moves no differently
The past on the old land
Forgotten with the passing of time

However, is it to be forgotten?
Shouldn't it be remembered instead?
With all the power of the mind?
For oneself is in one's past?

What is there to build for tomorrow,
If there is no foundation to build upon?
What is there for the newborn soul,
If there is nothing to return to?

Longing for companion,
But is companion, what one seeks for?
Longing for self-assurance,
But is self assurance, what one needs?

What lies in one's fate?
When will one stops questioning,
And follow the drifting raft,
Guided by the flow of nature?

Dancing under the vastness of the sky
Won't one feel as insignificant as one can be?
If one is insignificant,
Then will one worthy of questioning one's self?

Never seek the answer
For there are no answer
One's self is an answer
For an unknown question


C.B.I.


Notes: Now I just remember that my poem almost never have any title. I think that when I start giving title to my poem, I limit myself and the poem itself. When one has no title, one is free, and this is what I intend to be. For I am a ronin, who has forgotten the flow of the waves




Bwahahahaha.....the entry above is from my 1st blog, which I happily proclaim as being discontinued. And now, because of the piling boredom, anxiety, angst, and uncertainty, I just re-checked my old blogs, and I haven't post this one here. Oh well, due to the lagging update of this blog, it's better than nothing, right?

hm......I think this is what I wrote about when I have to remind myself that I have to have a will and a purpose to continue living decently; both things are lacking from my life, and one can say that one live only because that's what has to be done =P Sounds depressing and suicidal, I know, but, to be honest about our own feeling and fear is nothing bad, right? just being boldly honest here, mind you.....

Actually, it's quite funny. To live so that the purpose of your life, which is to try to find a purpose in the life to make life fuller, can be satisfied can be considered as quite absurd. Living without any purpose, any will, just live everyday like it should be, purposeless rituals, etc. Guess these are thoughts that sprouts like wild grasses when your mind is wandering where it should not be going (c'mon, one more final exam! stupid schedule!) With things the way they are now, I think this piece of poem serves my purpose right. There's going to be a lot of change next semester, and I don't know whether I'm ready or not, whether I'm going to like it or not, whether anything is going to change for the better or not. Hell, I feel like my life is being controlled by a big bad joker named Fate, and I don't have any control on my life. Sure, we share the control now and then, but strangely, I was comforted and yet angered by the dominant control of Fate.

By this line, I'm sure the readers of my blog is really really confused, and to save their minds, I decide to stop writing here. Hey, still got a lot of work to be done! Stop slacking and quit yer whining! =P

P.S.: just hope that next year, my internet connection at the new place will be at the same level, or even better, than my current one. If not, meh. Like my blog is always updated anyway. ;P

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kebanyakan mikir dasar... EXAM DULU PIKIRIN!!!

Hahaha... yah... Fate is stubborn, Fate is never fair... but Fate sometimes is nice... somehow...

What about the FREAKING FREE WILL then?!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
little M said...

quoting what deacon agus said during our retreat:
"hidup yg tidak di refleksikan, tidak layak dijalani"
so i guess, it's a right thing buat mikir2 bout all these things moderately.

nwy, another nice poem! =D

Anonymous said...

The journey to the northwest
The Journey to Singapore
To the foreign land
To the country next door
Not as a castaway, yet feeling like one
I should be proud, can go into NUS, but I feel like an idiot
Not as a runaway, yet feeling like one
Not like those no good students who cannot get into any good school, but i feel like one

In the new promised land
In Singapore
Time moves no differently
I am still a loser
The past on the old land
Just like previously
Forgotten with the passing of time
Trying to forget I am such a loser

However, is it to be forgotten?
How can I escape being a loser?
Shouldn't it be remembered instead?
Shouldn't I try to fix it instead?
With all the power of the mind?
Now that I think I'm a bit smarter?
For oneself is in one's past?
Someone cannot be a loser forever rite?

What is there to build for tomorrow,
If there is no foundation to build upon?
What is there for the newborn soul,
If there is nothing to return to?
My grades are horrible, my future is bleak, I was a loser, still a loser and no hope of improving

Longing for companion,
But is companion, what one seeks for?
I cannot get a girlfriend, so i pretend its not my fault, its the girls who are stupid
Longing for self-assurance,
But is self assurance, what one needs?
I cannot get a grip of my life, but i pretend its not my fault

What lies in one's fate?
What am i gonna do
When will one stops questioning,
Who can answer my question
And follow the drifting raft,
Guided by the flow of nature?
Otherwise I will just continue on being a loser

Dancing under the vastness of the sky
Won't one feel as insignificant as one can be?
If one is insignificant,
Then will one worthy of questioning one's self?
I feel I should be Significant, people are stupid to ignore me


Never seek the answer
For there are no answer
Im too lazy to change
One's self is an answer
For an unknown question
I dont even want to try to change

chaos_beowulf said...

ROFL.....the 4th post....is that you mom? =P or is that some jerk nicknamed just like our 4th president, spreading havoc everywhere, for the pure joy of annoying people? Hm.....the mysterious anonymous....Well anyway, just gonna tell you that every single one of your remark hit the mark. Yep.....it's hard to change your position from being a loser after you fall from grace....

Anonymous said...

wah, ada yang dendam dengan erik? :D