Need....update.....before....long..... ~A random rant

Lamentations

Fare thee well, my friend
For I have fallen prey
To the most wretched of creatures
A creature, who shall go unnamed

From the brightest light it came
Nay, no nightmare can come from the dark!
With all its dazzles, it enraptures the heart
Prison it in its grip, not one to let go

Ah! To be free again!
'Twas but a pleasant dream of yesterday
Time.....is there such a thing as time?
Its moving hands mocking,
a sign of tranquil, eternal damnation!

'Twas a sad thing, indeed
to be prisoned within the body
A superficial glorious prison
Which harbours a rotten core!

All that glimmers is not gold,
all that glimmers strongly hold!
In darkness, truth would be found,
In the brightest despair, darkest hope would be found!

Ah! To be able to hope!
Treasure your darkness, beloved,
For it would save your soul
From the glittering lies of the world!


Now, now, give out some comments, will ya?

Wrote this piece in the midst of frustation of seemingly endless bad luck, which, in a matter of speaking, is the result of own doing. Oh well, just wanna have some rant about how the world is not even gray anymore, but instead, the definition of black and white is not even matching anymore. White is black, black is white......what the world is coming to? Well, just having some hope that in the midst of this chaos, one would still be able to judge and retain one's own place and equilibrium. Well, one can still choose to be the lesser chaos, just like being the eye of the storm (which is not stormy at all) in the midst of the raging storm. Off to slacking! One more paper!

Forgotten, but not lost

The screaming whistle
of the departing train
Another snowy day in December
Another station to depart from

There is no turning back
What was left behind
Was all the time of the past
Every single second of it

Even though we want to stop
Even though we want to go faster or slower
We cannot change what was, is, and will be eternal
The steady state of the train of time

Well, I guess that for my new year's resolution, at this point of time, most were already achieved, even though it could be better. Moreover, what is important is that again, I guess I have evolved, although I don't know whether it is for the better or the worse. People change, but for some people like me, who are afraid of changes, it is one scary moment to be faced. Well, nobody like the first stage of changes, but obviously after a while, they will enjoy it. The train of time will stop to whichever station it wants to stop. It is up to us to buy all we need and want from that station, or grumbling about everything and lose the ability to move on. Hopefully I will not be a hypocrite, and with my current stage of lazyness, I will be able to do what I can.


Saturday, 1 May 2004


chaos_beowulf


This is a letter-to-self that I made during ICy 2nd's academic-year-end retreat. I just got it back recently, and there's quite a mixed feeling upon receiving it back. Well, to sum it all up, the feeling is nostalgic. During my years on uni, I have evolve, or forced to evolve, from an adolescent boy to a man. Many things are lost, and many things are gained. If I see what I am now, in the next 10 years, will I still feel the same thing I fell now? I think that's why I'm so afraid of changes, because in a way, I don't like the change in how everything feels. Well, guess that I'm still not mature enough to understand what "changes" means. God, I even hate changing from a boy to a man! How mature is that? I just hope that after I pass my teenage years (yes, I'm not 20 yet as of now), I still retain my current self, and add some more, without losing anything. (greedisgood, warcraft cheat any1?)

Pearls

Now this, this is what I call a beautiful song!

PEARLS
Composer: Yoko Kanno
Singer: Ilaria Graziano

Tra le mie braccia fragili
Stringo il vuoto che sa di te
Respiro le tue parole che
Vivono in una melodia

E dolcemente suonerò

I luminosi tramonti riflessi nei
tuoi occhi languidi e grandi
le mie perle d’amore

in uno sguardo tu
sai donare un sorriso al mio volto che
ora ti cerca tra lacrime
che hanno formato l’oceano
in quale sento ritornerai da me

La pallida luna m’illumina
Mentre il vento mi parla di te
La danza del mare ti porterà
Sulle rive della realtà

E finalmente ti rivedrò

Ti trovi l’ombra dei sogni miei ma anche tu
Sussurri piano al mio orecchio
Perle d’amore

in uno sguardo tu
sai donare un sorriso al mio volto che
ora ti cerca le lacrime
che hanno formato l’oceano
nel quale sempre ritornerai da me


Translations:

Between my weak (fragile) arms
I hold (strongly) the void that reminds of you
I breath your words that
live in a melody

and I will sweetly play

the bright sunsets reflected in
your tender and big eyes
my pearl of love

In one look you
know how to give (donate) a smile to my face that
now is looking for you between (covered) by tears
that have made the ocean
in which I feel you will return to me

The pale moon is lightening me
meanwhile the wind is speaking of (about) you
the dance of the sea will bring you
on the shores of the reality

And finally I will see you again

You find the shadow of my dreams but you too (not sure this lane)
whispers gently to my ear
pearls of love

in one look you
know how to donate a smile to my face that
now is looking for you, the tears
that made the ocean
in which always you will come back to me


I took the lyrics and translation from somewhere, and I really want to give them some credits, but then, since I use this one for personal use, I don't think that they would mind. =P

C/B's Theme Song

inner universe
vocal: Origa, words: Origa / Shanti Snyder, music: Yoko kanno

Ангелы и демоны кружили надо мной
Разбивали тернии и звёздные пути
Не знает счастья только тот,
Кто его зова понять не смог...

I am Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling
Собой остаться дольше...
Calling Calling, in the depth of longing
Собой остаться дольше...

Stand alone... Where was life when it had a meaning...
Stand alone... Nothing's real anymore and...

...Бесконечный бег...
Пока жива я могу стараться на лету не упасть,
Не разучиться мечтать...любить...
...Бесконечный бег...

Calling Calling, For the place of knowing
There's more that what can be linked
Calling Calling, Never will I look away
For what life has left for me
Yearning Yearning, for what's left of loving

Собой остаться дольше...
Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling
Собой остаться дольше...
Calling Calling, in the depth of longing
Собой остаться дольше...

Jelambar, Kavling Polri Blok D polos / 901

And now, there will be no place to turn back to
For home, the original place that define the origin
Had been snatched away by the hands of time and fate

We are forever the eternal refugee
Seeking for place of warmth and comfort
A place called home, who provides such things
But losing the home where we are originated,
Where we first know of things such as warmth and comfort
Is as great a loss as the loss of a parent and a mentor

We are eternal refugee, and the eternal builder
For our lives are the lives of the cotton flower
We live there, with our root firmly attached
And when we have to leave, we would build a place
Where another root would firm another cotton flower

There will be other places where we can anchor ourselves to
But nothing would replace the place
Where we uncurled our little leaves, and blossom
Into cotton flowers, flying to build our own root


Dedicated to the old house of Jalan Hadiah Utama IA /901.
Sayonara.....

Heroes

Where are the heroes today?
Those, whose fingers wrote down histories
Those, who were disillusioned of their act
Those, who understand the weight of the word, "sacrifice"

And no, there are no heroes born today
For borned heroes, would be adeptly persecuted and executed
By the very things they try to save and protect

"Don't try to be any hero!"
"Use your common sense!"
"What good is trying to be a hero?"

And as such, gone are the heroes

Even when they are needed the most,
Even when they are pleaded upon,
They would not come again.
They cannot come again.

For heroes, are just animated corpses
Which are resurrected, time and again
By the ungrateful, who cannot be satisfied
And kill those, who satisfy.

Journey to the not-so-west

The journey to the northwest
To the foreign land
Not as a castaway, yet feeling like one
Not as a runaway, yet feeling like one

In the new promised land
Time moves no differently
The past on the old land
Forgotten with the passing of time

However, is it to be forgotten?
Shouldn't it be remembered instead?
With all the power of the mind?
For oneself is in one's past?

What is there to build for tomorrow,
If there is no foundation to build upon?
What is there for the newborn soul,
If there is nothing to return to?

Longing for companion,
But is companion, what one seeks for?
Longing for self-assurance,
But is self assurance, what one needs?

What lies in one's fate?
When will one stops questioning,
And follow the drifting raft,
Guided by the flow of nature?

Dancing under the vastness of the sky
Won't one feel as insignificant as one can be?
If one is insignificant,
Then will one worthy of questioning one's self?

Never seek the answer
For there are no answer
One's self is an answer
For an unknown question


C.B.I.


Notes: Now I just remember that my poem almost never have any title. I think that when I start giving title to my poem, I limit myself and the poem itself. When one has no title, one is free, and this is what I intend to be. For I am a ronin, who has forgotten the flow of the waves




Bwahahahaha.....the entry above is from my 1st blog, which I happily proclaim as being discontinued. And now, because of the piling boredom, anxiety, angst, and uncertainty, I just re-checked my old blogs, and I haven't post this one here. Oh well, due to the lagging update of this blog, it's better than nothing, right?

hm......I think this is what I wrote about when I have to remind myself that I have to have a will and a purpose to continue living decently; both things are lacking from my life, and one can say that one live only because that's what has to be done =P Sounds depressing and suicidal, I know, but, to be honest about our own feeling and fear is nothing bad, right? just being boldly honest here, mind you.....

Actually, it's quite funny. To live so that the purpose of your life, which is to try to find a purpose in the life to make life fuller, can be satisfied can be considered as quite absurd. Living without any purpose, any will, just live everyday like it should be, purposeless rituals, etc. Guess these are thoughts that sprouts like wild grasses when your mind is wandering where it should not be going (c'mon, one more final exam! stupid schedule!) With things the way they are now, I think this piece of poem serves my purpose right. There's going to be a lot of change next semester, and I don't know whether I'm ready or not, whether I'm going to like it or not, whether anything is going to change for the better or not. Hell, I feel like my life is being controlled by a big bad joker named Fate, and I don't have any control on my life. Sure, we share the control now and then, but strangely, I was comforted and yet angered by the dominant control of Fate.

By this line, I'm sure the readers of my blog is really really confused, and to save their minds, I decide to stop writing here. Hey, still got a lot of work to be done! Stop slacking and quit yer whining! =P

P.S.: just hope that next year, my internet connection at the new place will be at the same level, or even better, than my current one. If not, meh. Like my blog is always updated anyway. ;P

Heaven? God?

"Heaven"

You don't need no friends
get back your faith again
you have the power to believe
another dissident
take back your evidence
it has no power to deceive

I'll believe it when I see it, for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive

I sit with them all night
everything they say is right
but in the morning they were wrong
I'll be right by your side
come hell or water high
down any road you choose to roam

I'll believe it when I see it for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive, yeah

darling, I believe, Oh Lord
sometimes it's hard to breathe, Lord
at the bottom of the sea, yeah yeah

I'll believe it when I see it for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset
I can see the sunset
I can see the sunset
I don't need no one
Ohhhh
I don't need no one
I don't need no one
I don't need no one
To tell me about heaven
I believe
I believe it, yeah


A really nice song. I like this one. It reflects my simple religious standpoint, if you want to call it that way. I do not know whether I am permitted to say that that was the end of my religious pilgrimage. One thing that was certain is that I always forgot the lessons that I got from the pilgrimage. Maybe because I did it in such an early age,where the mind is still in its turmoil. Well, let's try to recollect those memories, then.

For me, God is a being that can be far away there, with all of its greatness, way up there in heaven, that mortals like me cannot see Him. However, at the same time, He's right here with us, down here on earth, just like our shadow, following us wherever we go. Well, just like our shadow, we're so used to it, that only at certain times that we are aware of His presence.

Like what I said to one of my friends in her blog, but rephrased here: the presence of God is just like the light of a little candle, a very small one. It's always there, it's always lit, it's never going to die. however, the light of the small candle are almost always covered by things with brighter light; namely, our so-called state of happiness. Well, as economics, natural selection, or other things humanely possible would have it, when quantity is plentiful, quality will prevail. Thus, what we're taking notice of is the brighter light, and never the light of the small candle. And, as you can guess, when the bright light is in short supply, when we all feel gloomy and we're just like in the dark valley of hell, the constant light is there, suddenly something so precious that it becomes really magnificent. That small light suddenly become the center of our life. Really, for some people, that encounter is nothing short of miraculous. Even though it is so simple, so blatantly obvious, and there's nothing miraculous about it. It's just that we always take it for granted, that when we lost it, we just realize what we lost.

What's next? Trying to hold our precious dearly? Won't work, I tell you. When we hold something so dearly, we also release other things that was not dearly for us at that time. Talking about human greed here. So, you ask, what should we hold dear, then? For the philosophical me, I think my answer will be, embrace the nothingness, then. When you embrace the nothingness, you'll realize the miniscule of your existance in the midst of everything. It's just like we're being reborn, having nothing, naked in front of this big big world, and we're being scared to hell because we know nothing, have nothing, in control of nothing, all silent, ignoring us. But then, what you have to realize is this thing: when you're feeling that you're nothing, it's because you've become one with everything, and what you see, feel, and perceive are the magnamity of "everything" that you become overwhelmed by it, and humanely thought, "this is nothingness."

I think the same way applies with embracing God. All the same feeling, all the same experience.....Well, don't ask me whether such things are true are not, I don't even know. Besides, it will be foolish for us to hold something, isn't it? Whether it be truth, mask, good, evil, or other things that can be used to classify things into categories. Really, we're trying to be something, when we're actually nothing. It's impossible, but this impossibility would never make us desperate, lose all hope, or depressing things like that. Just learn about your place and your existance, and live with it. Enjoy your life.

Oyasumi.

A little thought in a little world.....

Sebuah pikiran kecil di tengah dunia yang mungil.....

Di dunia yang kecil ini, terkadang kita berpikir, apakah makna orang lain bagi kita? Apakah makna dari seorang teman, sahabat, kekasih, orang tua, adik, kakak, dan posisi-posisi sosial lainnya yang ditentukan berdasarkan hubungan antar sesama manusia? Ada berbagai pendekatan yang bisa dipakai untuk menyikapi hubungan-hubungan seperti ini. Ada yang menanggapi bahwa hubungan antar sesama manusia itu pada dasarnya adalah suatu hubungan yang "diusahakan" untuk saling menguntungkan satu sama lain. Dengan kata lain, jika ada satu atau lebih pihak yang dirugikan, kemungkinan besar hubungan itu akan retak, atau lebih parahnya lagi, hancur. Sehingga, timbul pertanyaan: serapuh itukah hubungan antar sesama manusia?

Jika ditelaah lebih lanjut, jelas sekali jawabannya bahwa manusia, dan hubungan antar sesama manusia, tidak serapuh itu. Bahkan, bisa dikatakan bahwa relasi antar individu itu jauh sekali adanya dari definisi "rapuh". Hubungan antar sesama manusia tidak selalu berdasarkan atas prinsip untung rugi. Seringkali, justru prinsip untung rugi ini seringkali dilanggar oleh para manusia yang bersikukuh bahwa prinsip untung rugi tersebut adalah satu-satunya prinsip dasar manusia, terutama manusia di dunia modern ini. Banyak sekali orang-orang yang dengan sukarela dan bersenang hati mengambil posisi "rugi" dalam hubungan tersebut. Yang menarik, dan sedikit ironis, adalah kesukarelaan orang-orang tersebut sering sekali diragukan oleh para manusia, yang sifat pesimistis dan tidak mudah percayanya sudah melegenda.

Para manusia itu ibarat investor, selalu berusaha hati-hati untuk tidak rugi, dan keuntungan adalah hasil yang wajib diperoleh. Ketika dia mengalami kerugian, dia tidak akan rela untuk jatuh ke lubang yang sama untuk kedua kalinya, karena dia jelas tidak mau dicap sebagai keledai. Dengan orientasi arah yang benar-benar terbatas, manusia hanya bisa melihat dirinya sendiri (itu saja tidak dengan jelas) dan satu loncatan batu setapak yang sudah ada di depannya. Yang mereka tahu hanyalah, ini adalah jalan yang harus saya lalui. Ada beberapa manusia yang merasa bangga, karena mereka bisa melihat sedikit lebih jauh, dan menjadi tahu bahwa mereka tengah berjalan di sebuah jalur yang banyak dilewati orang. Karena manusia juga mempunyai sifat tidak mau kalah dari manusia yang lainnya, dan selalu ingin merasakan bahwa dirinya berbeda dari orang lain (supaya dia bisa benar-benar yakin akan identitas dan eksistensi dirinya), mereka pun mengambil jalan setapak lain yang jarang dilalui. Akan tetapi, apakah mereka tahu, kemanakah jalan setapak yang jarang dilalui itu akan membawa mereka? "Banyak jalan menuju Roma," ucap banyak orang. Yang berarti, masih ada kemungkinan bahwa jalan yang jarang dilalui tersebut ternyata mempunyai tujuan yang sama dengan jalan yang biasa dilalui manusia lainnya. Jika dipikirkan kembali, bukankah ini sesuatu yang cukup absurd, dan menimbulkan senyum geli? Jika hal tersebut tidak menimbulkan senyum geli di wajah anda, saya tidak tahu lagi bagaimana cara membuat anda tertawa.

Singapura, Maret 2005.

Homo homini lupus

Be Human

A journey into thousands of minds
None are alike, yet all are similar
Searching for a valuable lesson
Amidst the cluttering of informations

A lesson about "humanity"

What does it mean to be "human"?
Is it to think like "human" do?
Is it to feel like "human" do?
Is it to act "humanly"?

The drifts of countless minutes and seconds
In pursue of perfection and total freedom,
Abandoning the fundamental design of "human"
Imperfections and limitations

When the initial design has been far surpassed
A design called "human", which comes together with "humanity"
Are "humans" still "humans"?
What will be the fate of "humanity"?

For truly, what does it mean to be "human"?
What is "humanity" for "human"?
Are we "human"?
Do we have "humanity"?


Dedicated to the Ghost in the Shell Anime, and all of its soundtrack. Title of the poem was taken from one of the Ghost in the Shell album's title, "Be Human."

Even Forever Comes to An End......

Movements of Time

When eternity comes to an end,
Is that the end of time?

When the brittle substance of time,
Frozen in its being,
Starts to collapse,
Will it thaws into a flowing current?
Or will it be shattered as frozen pieces?

The tramps of beings
Taken for granted,
Betrayed from its majestic traits.
As dethroned as it is,
It reigns without a crown.
Who will deny such grandeur?

The time when forever comes to an end
Is not when time comes to an end
It is going to be the time
When it is not the time anymore.


The title of this entry was taken from quote from Chrono Trigger, my personal favourite RPG game. I had this game on 1995, when it came out on SNES. It's a classsic game, and it has a neverending feeling to it. Well, this one poem is dedicated to the game Chrono Trigger itself, and to Time as well.

Anger Management

Anger Management

When the poison of anger
Resides in the heart,
What antidote is powerful enough
To cure the disease within?

To keep the poison alone
Will break other's hearts
To vent the anger outside
will breed more seeds of hatred
To release it as tears of sadness
Will extinguish someone's light of happines

What should be done?
How will one able to purify the heart,
so scourged it is,
by the poison of hatred?

Release Thy from Thy agony, dear one...
And Thy shall fly to paradise with Thou


Another one of my poetry, and by the time I write this entry, some surprising people had read my blog, those that I never suspect. Hehehehe.....oh well, just to let you know that any people can freely left their comments here on my blog, so if you want to say something, just left a comment there, ok?

Now, about this piece.....I wrote this one when I was quite angry, I forgot why, and as always, I was fond of putting what I thought and feel at that time to some writing, as I used to be (not now, though). I made some modifications here, compared with the original one, because I felt that some grammars and vocabs is mismatched. Well, just to remind everyone here who read my poetry, that all of my poetry can be said as pieces of my "frozen" memory that I turn into something, so that I might be reminded of it. Well, currently, there's nothing worthy of remembering, so I don't write again, but when I got something, I'll try to write it and share some (not all, of course!) of it to you guys. ahahahaha....now....Gutten Nacht! Oyasumi Nasai!

Valentine day, and still alone as usual....

Someone Out There

Sitting alone under the full moon, waiting
Will you come?

The night is too perfect to be spent
only with the company of a fine bottle of wine

My mind starts to wander...

A faint trace of your perfume lingers in the air.

And I sighed.

Although I don't know who you are,your presence there is more than enough to keep me accompanied.

Even though you are merely an image that comes from the most perfect of dreams, I will not stop hoping and praying, until your very presence here, is something that I can hold dearly.


Dedicated for the one out there.....


Hahahahaha.....another one of my old poem.......guess that this one comes from the imagination of a lonely man who had too much free time in his hand, and nothing to think about. So.....for all those jomblos out there......let's enjoy our lonely valentine, and just hope that next time will be better.

Wandering Traveller, Indonesian Version

Wandering Traveller

I live by the rules of the wind
To breath the air
is to fell my presence
The Sky is my roof,
And the earth is my walking path.

The First crystal of the snow
Will bring me home
To the warmth of the neverending sun

Whenever the symphony of solitude is played,
I will be there.
I am not going to fade away
Not until the tunes of requiem
And the Crying Sky
Accompany me in the journey
A journey of pilgrimage
As a wandering soul.


OK......sorry for the sluggy update, been reading too much manga lately.....and suspending some essays and stuff.....gonna work it tomorrow, I swear!!! >XD

And here it is, the original wandering traveller that I made for one friend that I never met, and probably will never be. We met each other through some prank sms that she sent to my phone accidentally (she was bored at that time, and she sms me at 7 o'clock in a sunday morning), and the rest is history. Quite a friendship, we contacted each other through sms, two lonely souls that need some warmth, but both were unsure about what would happen next. This happened during the period of February/March 2003, until my departure to Singapore, July 2003. I wrote this piece of poetry the night before my departure to Singapore. BTW, we contacted with each other only during the night, because only at night that I was "secure" in my room. Ever since I was in Singapore, I never contacted her anymore. Well, I contacted her via sms again during my first time going back to Indonesia after my first sem, and during that time, I asked for this piece to be sent to me, coz I lost the original one. I never held my hope high, but guess what? She still collected all of my poetry that I sent to her. The period of March 2003 until July 2003 was the period when I was actively writing poetry, something that I think can never be achieved again. And most of the time, she was the first person I sent my poetry to. We share so much, even though we never met each other. I was talking about my highschool crush to her, and she was talking about her ex-boyfriend problems. Both of us are desperate with our love life, and I knew, at that time, that time will change our relationship. And it happened. She confessed to me. I was prepared for the confession, yet, I was unprepared for what to do. I asked her to be friends only, because we had quite a different background (in religion, but not in hometown, since her university is in my father's hometown). And her friends (yes, some of them followed her pranks =.=) told me that whenever she received my sms, she's so happy that they saw her as being "lovestruck", and encourage me to "upgrade" my relationship with her. But then, at that time, I can say that my emotional condition is in one of its most unstable condition. And I cannot think clearly about what will happen next. The funny thing is, after that "memorable event", we still continue our conversation, like nothing had happened between us. I enjoyed my friendship with her very much.

When I come back to Indonesia @July 2004, we found ourselves changed. We are not our old self, and it makes me scared to restart our long lost contact. And thus, I broke our usual sms contact. Singapore has changed me so much, that I barely recognized my old self anymore. Well, being older than me by roughly one year, she stayed the same, but yet, my feelings are changed. I'm no longer my old self, and I'm a total mess at that time (well, it's not like the mess has been fully repaired till now). I broke our contact, and I feel nothing.

Yet, when I open my poetry folder, and read my poetry that I has stored there, I encounter my old feelings, and so on. This poetry reminds me about one of my most precious treasure that I have thrown away like it was nothing, and now, just like everyone, I was terribly sorry for what I did, yet I couldn't change it. I bet she will still feel happy if I contact her right here, right now, yet, I feel that I have wronged her greatly, and I cannot face her anymore. Yes, I am a coward sometimes, and I admit that it was one of my lesser point.

And for one Widi Nugraheni, thanks for being a center for my life at the time when I need something to hold on to. I really enjoy our late night conversation (within my old room and my old handphone, how I miss those two), and one thing that I can tell you: this is one of my strongest poetry that I ever made (the other being the "Wandering Traveller, Singapore Version"), and this is the first, and probably the last, piece of poetry that I have written with so much of my feeling for someone else than myself. I'm terribly sorry for my attitude to you, and now, with my emotionless heart, I bid my farewell to you, forever. Goodbye, and Goodnight, Widi.

Wandering Travellers, Singapore version

Wandering Travellers

I live by the rules of the winds
I will go wherever I will go
As long as my feet threads the Earth
And my gaze is fixed upon the Sky

I will never lost
In this world of virtue

If there is someone waiting for me
I will tell my story
Through the songs of the birds
And the symphony of the fallen leaves

And if I ever come home
It will be the day
Of the first snow
The day of the warmth
In the middle of the family.


hahahahaha....this one is actually the singaporean version of a piece I made in Indo, but I forgot about the wordings when I came to singapore. but thx to one of my friend (well, the one I give the original piece to), I was able to recover the Indonesian one. Thus, the two versions of Wandering Travellers.

This poetry was made because of my anxiety when I was going to singapore for my study. you can say that before going to singapore, I never go to foreign country, except, singapore, and that's only twice in my whole life before my uni life. :p

Singing in the rain.....

Rains and Clouds

Walking beneath the rains
Trying to find the light
Through the cloudy mind of mine

Making sense of nonsense
Calming the chaos
That rages and aches

Salvos of questions
Bombarding the head
Which content's no longer there

Trying to be strong
Dragging the feet
To the final destination

With the final breath
All things undone
Will be concluded

In the end of the path
Rest awaits the body
Sleep into eternal peace


Ok.....I think I will post all of my poetry that rest within my poetry folder, and make it as a poetry rally until there's no more poetry left sitting in my folder. I started this one from 2 days ago, so.......enjoy.

Marriage Poetry

The Journey to the Road

It is the day
We promise each other
To stand together
And walk our path together

It is from that day
We join our hearts and souls
Embracing each other
In moments of tears and laughters

Filling the special place
That was destined in each other's soul
Adding the missing pieces
That was eternally sought after

It is not going to be a smooth road
It is not going to be like a dream
It is not going to be that simple
It is not going to be that easy

But then, we have each other
We have each other to lend our shoulders
We have each other to lend our ears
We have each other to lend our hands
We have everything to share
Because from that day,
We are one.


Ok2, this is what I write when the certain someone that I mention earlier ask me to write a piece of poetry for one of her relatives' wedding celebration. It is sad that this piece was forgotten by both of us, and thus, is not delivered to the one it should be intended to. However, some people said that this one is real nice. LOL, I have the talent to be a charmer, yet, I enjoy being a common man.

Hope and Dreams

Hope and Dreams

Trying to fly to the moon
When the feet are planted
to the ground

Halfway to the eternity of thoughts
When the body lives
in the world of virtue

Standing against
the rising tides of destiny
with mere strength of will

Humans
Small in their nature
Raised as the giants
Of the world

So grandeur,
yet so frail
Hardly soar from the ground
Only to fall
To the deepest abyss

There is no wings to fly with
Only dreams and hopes
to send them to fly away
Dreams are the wings
Hopes are the winds


One of the poetry that I made during my first sem in NUS. I have stopped writing ever since sem 2 begins. It's sem 4, and there's a doubt in my heart, whether I should start writing poetry again. After all, I have lost my "artistic heart", with which I spoke my minds, thougts, and heart with. Maybe I'll start writing again, when I'm in the mood of writing poetry, and not when I was obliged to write one.

On a related note, I think I can start posting some of my poetry here......Some that were never seen before, but by myself and one other person......

Heat, Fan, and Comfort

As I lazing off
In the comfortable heat wave
The whirling of the fan
Accompany me as a background sound

Some jazzy tunes in both ears
And a good book to read about
What is unfavourable by many people
Were made heaven by self

A picture comes into mind
The image of elders, lazing off
In the same heat wave, but somewhere else
No doubt, enjoying the same weather

While one contemplates what has passed,
The other contemplates about what has to come
Just like the soothing wind of the summer
Away she comes, away she goes.

Usual moody thoughts accompanied by jazzy tunes

Beauty is Within Us

Vocal: Scott Matthew
Words: Chris Mosdell
Music: Yoko Kanno


O mother dear
Look what you've done
To your forlorn and once beloved son
Why was I born at all?
O mother dear
I'm such a freak
A mutant man, a woman underneath
Why was I born at all?

It's you I blame for all the shame
This anguish and this aching
The mirror turned against the wall
Myself despised, forsaken
*You say, "Beauty is within us, your mother knows"
"There's a beauty that's within us, just like a rose"
You say, "Beauty is within us, so let it grow"
But it's grown so dark and ugly

O mother dear
I curse you so
For breathing life into your wretched son
Why were you born at all?
O mother dear
I love you so
O please forgive this anger in my soul
Without you I'm alone

It's me who's been eternally damned
Trapped inside this cage, a ruined man
All damaged and depraved

O mother dear
This misery
Has settled like a stain upon my skin
-a vast unspoken sin

And my mistake is much too late
But your mistake was trusting
That out of grief, a goodness comes
And love comes out of lusting

*repeat

You say, "Beauty is within us, your mother knows"
"There's a beauty that's within us, just like a rose"
You say, "Beauty is within us, so let it grow"
But it's grown so dark I can not see you anymore

"O beauty is within us, mother knows"
"O beauty is within us, like a rose"
"O beauty is within us, let it grow"
O mother dear, let me out of here!


quite a nice song, when you're being depressed....although the lyrics can be explosive and provoking for some, I quite like this song......the song mirrors the anguish, desperation, and longing that one usually experienced when one wants someone to pull themselves from a hellhole, because they have tried for so hard, that they have no energy left to climb the hole. It reminds us about the fragility of human soul, how it can break easier than how a glass will shatter....

Just finished reading Da Vinci Code. Quite interested on reading that book, since it's been mentioned by almost all people as being anti-christ. When it was mentioned by my visiting mother, my interest starts to spark along. It is quite rare that my mother said that I was not allowed to read one books, because I was deemed not mature enough to accept the concept that might be accentuated from the book.

She would be surprised.

In my journey of manga reading, it is not unusual for me to read one or more pieces of manga which is way more anti-christianity, and more shocking than those of Da Vinci Codes. It seems that for some people, christianity is something that was "imperfect", that is, full of deceit and other bad things unthinkable for the christianity. In the mangas, human is always the victor over gods and devils. Quite cocky for human, as ever. Human pride will be something that make them falls. What is interesting about the manga is that they depict gods and devils as humanly at heart as possible, discounting the deity characteristic of those gods and devils. There are usual moments of confusion, as the writer of the story will have it, upon differentiating between the good and the bad, the white and the black. Sometimes you just can't help but questioning yourself, what is good, and what is bad?

Good and bad, white and black. Truth and deceit, purity and desecration. Which one is which? Each one of them, if viewed in subjective manner, will be very biased (i.e. being subjective). But what if they can be viewed in objective manner? What will the view will be? Now, after some consideration, I decided that we, humans, will never be able to comment upon things in an objective manner. When humans try to be objective, they found themselves limited by theirselves, they can only simulate what they think others might think. Why is that so? Each human is unique in their own way, that is, there is no single condition that will be the same for each human to grow with, not to mention their basic personality to start with. Just like in a microbiology laboratorium, if the culture is conditioned differently, the microbes will also grow differently, the same goes to human.

So, as I might confuse any reader of this blog, what is the relation between the song, the book I read upon, the manga, and the sociology analysis (I presume I had done so for the paragraph above, pardon me, for I don't have any sociology lesson ever)? Upon search for truth, which every human is compelled to do at one point of their life or another, they have one emotional condition that appears in their heart: a despair that their so-called truth that they are searching and longing for, are quite withing their grasp, but the truth refuse to be seached and longed for. Humans will exhaust all means to grasp the truth for themselves (particular egocentricity of human, one may add), that they are confused. The despair, as one can see within the lyrics of the song, is quite a heavy burden. At that time, white is not white anymore, and black is not black anymore. Both are twisted into a new colour: grey. People often said that the world is not black, and it is not white either, but it is grey. Upon consideration, others might think that grey is not the sole truth, for there is no sole truth, as was depicted earlier with the black and white metaphor. Then, what is grey? Is it the truth grasped by most people, and claimed to be the one and only truth, or is it only the tip of the iceberg of deceit?

In conclusion of this lengthy essay (or blog, it is for the reader to decide), the writer come by one conclusion, which has been a personal quote for the writer ever since.

"There is nothing absolute, including this very own statement."

Good evening.

Quite an eventful christmas and new year....

Whew.....suddenly I have an obligation to write on my blog. Ok, Christmas is over, and I'm quite stuffed with some new things in my room, notably my new mp3 player and my new digicam. The mp3 player was bought by my mom (indirectly) as a birthday present (over 1 month, but it's ok, coz it's the present that I want >:D). As for the digicam, I bought it with my birthday present money from 3 persons (my grandma from my father's side, and 2 of my aunts.) lolz....I never dreamt that I will have those 2 things. Yes, I have done some research a long time ago about what digicam and mp3 player I will buy if I can buy it, but it's not that serious. You can say that in fact, I'm not all that enthusiastic. But well, a digicam is still a digicam, an mp3 player is still an mp3 player, and happiness is still happiness.

Ah, one more thing that made my X-mas is even more beautiful compared with last year's extremely crappy X-mas. My CAP (GPA for some person) increased from 1.97 to 2.21. This means that I'm no longer in danger of being dropped out from the university. Well, actually, the grade can be better, but I'm quite thankful for C+ for one of my module and C for another one, considering that I never came to the lecture, and I only managed to learn the materials only the night before midterms and final exams. No D for this semester, which is the first one after 2 last semester. Dunno whether I can get to honours year, what with all my crappy results and so on. It seems to me that with my current direction, it is highly likely that I will never work as a researcher for life science (my major), since, quite shockingly, I find it as too limiting for my taste. My current interest is going back to things like history, psychology, etc. Maybe mathematics, if I'm not lazy enough to open back those books.

It is nice to know that slowly, I return to my old self, a personality that I have prepared long before to face adulthood, back when I'm still an ignorant adolescent that has the perception that the whole world is his, and he can do anything in this world at his own whim. I miss those times, especially at current times, since like what I have written somewhere on my short blogs, I have forgotten a lot of important things, and this is one of them. My 1.5 year in NUS has made my timid and inconfident, lazy as hell, unconcerned about myself, etc. It is not the perfect personality that I have visioned and crafted on my earlier stages of life (i.e. at secondary school and first half of high school). Just like water, I am currently on someone's glass, waiting to be drunk, and sorely misses the times when I'm still on the raging river that will goes to the calm sea.